When I was a young girl, I thought menopause meant a switch got flipped and your period simply stopped. It made perfect sense to me. I had lived for 13 years without having a period or a slow lead-up to my first one—so why should things be any different once my period ended?
I look back at that sweet, unsuspecting child and laugh because she knew NOTHING.
When I was approaching middle age, I remember wondering what a hot flash felt like and how I could be sure if I had had one.
I look back at that confused, about-to-be-rudely-awakened woman and laugh. She, too, knew NOTHING.
And then came my first hot flash, which taught me there was no mistaking the experience for anything else. Then came my first bout of night sweats, followed by periods with bleeding so heavy that it poured through my super-plus tampon and soaked the entire backside of my jeans. I also learned that I would have to go a full year without a period to officially be in menopause—and that all the wonderful surprises leading up to that day were known as perimenopause—again, something about which I knew nothing!
I buckled in for the ride.
The Set-Up: When Perimenopause Rage Strikes
My first hot flash arrived on an ordinary workday. There I was, sitting at my computer when, out of nowhere, I felt my whole body heat up like a nuclear reactor. The only thing that rivaled the ball of fire inside me was the newfound anger that had taken hold of me. At times, I got so angry it felt like I could burn everything in my path. I told my therapist it made me feel powerful, and if I discovered I had magical powers to go along with my anger, I wouldn’t have been surprised.
It wasn’t long before my hot flashes increased. They were brutal, and I hated them. My night sweats were even worse, especially during the sticky summer months when I lay in bed—hot, sweaty, and miserable. I would miss a period every now and then, but it always returned—until July of 2021. I missed one month, then two, then three, then four. I swore I had it in the bag when I made it all the way to 12 months when—you guessed it—no need for a spoiler alert here.
The Main Event: Coping with Heavy Menstrual Bleeding
Along with another boiling-hot summer came The Red Tide of 2022, the Great Flood of New Haven, the one-upped hallway scene from The Shining—The Period to End All Periods.
It arrived without warning. I went to the bathroom, wiped, and spotted blood. I immediately flew into a rage, ready to rip the sink out of the floor and hurl it out the window. I put in a tampon from the box I had hoped to trash, and less than 15 minutes later, I gave birth to a jellyfish. I ran back to the bathroom, and sure enough, an abattoir was in my pants.
For the next few days, I went through an unconscionable number of tampons. I wore extra pads, slept on towels, propped up my feet, but nothing could stem the crimson tide. And if the heavy bleeding wasn’t enough, I had terrible cramps AND hot flashes—which is JUST. SO. RUDE. These two things should never go together! It felt deeply unfair. I also resented the period poops and zits, and the fact that my breasts were so tender it hurt to wear a bra.
Navigating Perimenopausal Brain Fog and Sudden Clumsiness
For some reason, I also became a complete and total klutz around that time. I had forgotten where my body began and where it ended. I kept clipping my shoulders against doorframes, dropping things, and tripping over myself. My brain wasn’t working right, either. I’d sit in front of my computer in a fog, gritting my teeth and forcing out words, hoping they made sense. Grateful that I worked from home, I wondered how women dealt with menopause while working in an office, store, or factory. I sent them my sympathy.
All the while, I got angrier and angrier. WHY WASN’T I DONE WITH MY DAMN PERIOD ALREADY? I knew it was possible not to be done after a year. My best friend Jodi had gotten her period right after hitting her one-year mark. I even have a cousin who had a surprise period after five years. Perish the thought!
Jodi had come to visit me for the weekend. By the time she arrived, the worst of the bleeding was over, but my vagina was sore and irritated from the dozens of tampons and constant bleeding. Having my good friend around helped. She good-naturedly poked fun at my anger and clumsiness, and because I have known her forever and love her, I didn’t kill her. We went out for tacos and margaritas, and I felt better by the end of the weekend.
The Aftermath: Managing Unexpected Midlife Vaginal Discomfort
As my period finally drew to a close, I realized that my vaginal discomfort was not ending. In fact, it was getting worse. It turned out that I had—horror of horrors—a YEAST INFECTION.
Of course, I’d had plenty of them before, but DECADES ago. I hauled myself to CVS, bought what I needed, and came back home. Innocently, I injected the cream and was immediately in agony. My inflamed lady garden could endure only so many indignities.
Thankfully, other treatments helped me get rid of the darn thing, but the whole experience left me scarred and fearful of what other nightmares the future might hold.
What Came Next: Crossing the Twelve-Month Menopause Milestone
As I write this, I’m closing in on a year since the period that felt like a run-on sentence. I’m afraid to put into the universe what comes next because what if there’s another egg in there, hidden in my ovaries like that one last Easter egg nobody ever finds until the rotten smell gives it away?
But here goes. I haven’t had a period since.
This time, I have a whole new respect for the experience of perimenopause. I’m praising my ovaries for their decades of diligent work, my uterus for its thoughtful preparations, and my vagina for its resilience.
I still deal with those stupid hot flashes, which thankfully come a little less frequently now. And I hope my clumsy spells and zit days are behind me. But those tampons are right there in my bathroom cabinet—just in case!
Aimee Parrott is a professional freelance writer living and working in New Haven, Connecticut. She specializes in topics related to personal and business finance, marketing, and health and wellness. In her spare time, she’s working on developing a television series with her partner.
This is such a wonderful essay and an important read. The writer, in an unabashedly honest way, sprinkled with just the right amount of humor, shares her personal life-changing experience. While it is the writer’s unique experience, I couldn’t help but see all the women of a certain age, nod in agreement. As a man, I hope more men will read this excellent essay. It’s good for us to leave Mars’s orbit and travel to Venus once in a while.
Thank you so much for reading! I wish more men would get comfortable with talking about women’s health.
It was the endless starts and stops that made me crazy. Just make up your mind already. Thank goodness there was a walk-in freezer at work for my hot flashes!
Thank you for reading! I’m sure the walk-in freezer was a huge help. I don’t have one of those, but I definitely stood in front of my open freezer on multiple occasions.
It’s so validating to read this account. Perimenopause is the worst!
Thank you so much for reading! It really is.
Omg. Dying. I SO RELATE TO THIS. Thank you for being honest (and hilarious) about the delight that is perimenopause. It’s so rare to hear the indignities of it all spoken in such a frank and funny manner. We need more content like this, because so many women suffer alone thinking their experience is unique.
Thank you so much for reading. I agree, we need more openness and discussion to make the whole process less isolating and more… delightful? Sure, let’s go with that.
It’s wonderful seeing so much valuable feedback surrounding a tightly guarded topic. Aimee’s honest and humorous account of her experiences during perimenopause is exactly what women need as we journey through midlife! Thanks for nodding in agreement, ladies! And a really BIG shout out to the gentleman who ventured to Venus! Your input means everything!
Absolutely on point and brilliant! I thought my life on a wheelchair almost 24×7 was frikkin’ tough, till I met women on wheelchairs who have to deal with having sudden menstrual flows, pee emergencies, and the very things you address, all while having no option but to remain seated. Most quadriplegic women often undergo total hysterectomy procedures because of what the future might bring. Preach it loud and proud!!! ❤️
Thank you so much for reading! It’s essential for all of us, women and men, to be aware of special challenges like the ones you describe. I can’t even imagine how much harder my experience (since the onset of menstruation) would have been if had been in a wheelchair.
Wow! I can only imagine how difficult HMB can be for women in this position. Once again, overcoming these challenges in perimenopause speaks to their resilience and fortitude, and reminds us to take a page out of their book! Thank you, Rusty, for bringing greater perspective to the struggle.
Oh, this was such a refreshing read! While I have been extremely fortunate with my menstrual goings on (!?!?) I’ve so many women-friends whose lives have been made miserable. And it’s not once every 28 days or whatever, it goes on and on and ON. It’s something that’s not talked about enough and should be-especially amongst (male?) employers who simply can’t understand what it’s like.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! You’re absolutely right that it should be discussed more, and your point about male employers being educated is right on point. Getting more information out there can help, but men (and younger women) need to be willing to listen and read and learn if we’re going to get to a place where we all get the support and understanding we need.
I could not agree more, Caroline. Considering we spend much of our waking hours in the workplace, accommodations should be made for women dealing with heavy menstrual bleeding on the job. Hopefully, candid conversations like this should help to get the ball rolling.
Amen, Aimee!
There’s so much they never tell us…beyond oh how lucky we are to have the potential ability to bear children. The most accurate assessment of womanhood I ever heard was from a rabbi, who told me women weren’t required to wear a yamulke because they needed no reminder that there’s someone/something above them…
Thanks so much for reading! That is such an interesting assessment of womanhood and one I’ve never heard before. Thanks for sharing!
Such a relatable, infuriating experience told with amazing humor and honesty! I cackled out loud as I read it (along with wincing in solidarity). We need more stories like this from women going through it because as I know from experience, MDs barely graze the topics of hot flashes and hormonal moodiness, never mind the wackiness of brain fog and ‘tah-dah’ periods when I was going through perimenopause! For that matter, I didn’t get much heads-up for post-menopause either which holds a whole other slew of changes I was unaware of. Great article, and thanks for sharing with us!
Thanks for reading! You’re so right about doctors needing to do a better job of preparing women for the realities of perimenopause and menopause. Having an idea of what I was about to experience would have been a HUGE help, at least in terms of mental preparation.
Fabulous essay…sending it to my daughter-in-law whose been having hot flashes for two years. Reminded me of the time sitting at my work computer in white pants, when I arose from my chair to find a blood bath. Thankfully, a coworker’s too small lunchtime jogging sweats saved the day…that and a sweater draped across my ass ’till I could reach the restroom! No more periods for me now. Just a leaky freaking bladder!
Oh no, Christa! I totally relate. Thanks so much for reading and sharing. I share your pain about the leaky bladder… yet another super fun experience to add to the list!