For ages, the menopausal journey has been shrouded in silence and taboo among women, as well as within the medical profession. Female reproductive health has long been stigmatized and dismissed, rooted in sexism, ageism, and a shocking lack of medical research and treatment.  However, the tide is turning. Menopause is breaking out of the shadows and onto the main stage, complete with its own spotlight and microphone. Thanks to the tireless efforts of a new generation of empowered women tired of sweating in silence, menopause awareness is rapidly gaining momentum. 

Picture your hormonal cycles during your reproductive years as a kiddie-roller-coaster. You have predictable peaks and valleys, generally in regular intervals. If you track your periods during this time, they are usually the same length of days from the start of one cycle to the next.  Enter perimenopause. Your adorable kiddie coaster is now one of those heart-stopping, stomach-dropping loop-de-loops. At one time, you could predict that one week out of the month when you had to pack your bags and move to a deserted island with a stockpile of tampons. Now, it’s as random as the wheel of fortune spinner with no polite warning! 

Ah, perimenopause! That magical time in a woman’s life when her body throws a surprise (horror) party without asking. Except estrogen says she’s not coming, which causes a rift with the rest of your hormone homies. And now some uninvited guests decide to show up: hot flashes, mood swings, and a metabolism that moves like molasses, not to mention, the return of your long-lost frenemy from puberty—body odor! 

If there were an Olympics for sleeping, I would’ve been a gold medalist. While this doesn’t say much about my athleticism, it says plenty about my astounding ability to drift off as soon as my head hit the pillow. Not to boast, but I was Simone Biles-like in my napping skills. It was dazzling to watch, really, or so I’ve been told. I could sleep anywhere—planes, trains, automobiles, Broadway plays, my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. During class? Now, that was sublime.

So, you hit the big 40, and SURPRISE! It’s not about the extravagant birthday party and fabulous gifts. Instead, you’ve got sleep issues and dryness in your lady bits, and your used-to-be regular period is now all over the place. Making it through a two-hour movie without hitting the bathroom seems impossible, and the sound of your husband munching on his morning Cheerios is cause for an increase in your meds! Yes, Ma’am. Happiest of birthdays to YOU!

I had it all figured out. Anytime I entered a room and forgot why I walked in there, I’d go: “Gosh, has anyone seen my car keys?” Or if I lost my place mid-sentence while in a meeting at work, I’d say something like: “Hey guys, don’t forget to play the Mega Millions tonight!” And if I really embarrassed myself, like the time I pulled the house phone out of my pocketbook—I’d blame my damn kids!

One moment, you’re fine—you’re calm, cool, and collected. Then, as if aliens have abducted your body, you’re in a rage! What just happened? Who am I? There must be something wrong with me! I hear this a lot in my private practice from women struggling through the change of life celebrated as menopause. I’ve experienced it myself, and in spite of its many challenges, I use the word “celebrated” because this can be a time of celebration. Think about it. In menopause, women no longer get their monthly period, they don’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore, and for many women, it’s a time of great renewal.

5:38 AM It wasn’t unusual for me to wake up weeping, and that morning was no different. The tears cascaded down my face as I finished making the kids’ lunches. Jack reminded me that I’d given him Olivia’s pasta instead of his chicken nuggets the day before, so I took my time making sure I got it right, otherwise, Mr. Particular wouldn’t eat. Sure, they were old enough to make their own lunches, but being a full-time working mother meant I wasn’t as involved in their lives as I wanted to be, so getting up extra early to prepare a hot lunch was not just an act of motherly love, but an apology.

When I was a young girl, I thought menopause meant a switch got flipped, and your period stopped. It made perfect sense to me. I had lived for 13 years without having a period or a slow lead-up to my first one—so why should things be any different once my period ended? 

Many of us will put on weight as we age and move through perimenopause, but don’t let the scales have the final say. Let your midlife weight loss journey be filled with realistic goals, proper diet and exercise, and loads of self-compassion.

If you think living with a pre-teen in puberty is hard, imagine living with her while you’re in perimenopause!

Who knew that long before a woman hit menopause, she would first enter perimenopause, a transitional period lasting 4-8 years or longer?