So, you hit the big 40, and SURPRISE! It’s not about the extravagant birthday party and fabulous gifts. Instead, you’ve got sleep issues and dryness in your lady bits, and your used-to-be regular period is now all over the place. Making it through a two-hour movie without hitting the bathroom seems impossible, and the sound of your husband munching on his morning Cheerios is cause for an increase in your meds!
Yes, Ma’am. Happiest of birthdays to YOU!
Now say hello to your new bestie, Perry Menopause—your uninvited birthday guest who shows up with all the drama when you least expect it: drenching night sweats while vacationing with your boo, hot flashes at your son’s graduation—appropriately timed to his “welcome” speech. And just when you think your PMS is under control, Perry throws in a rage reminiscent of Linda Blair from The Exorcist.
I vividly remember the first time I got a hot flash. I was in an elevator headed to the top floor of a midtown skyscraper to meet a friend for lunch. Out of nowhere, I felt a weird burning sensation in my chest; I thought I was having a heart attack, for real! I looked around the crowded elevator wondering if anyone noticed me gasping for air.
As the elevator slowly climbed and the heat rose in my neck, I furiously fanned my face with one hand, grabbed the neck of my blouse with the other, and shook it like a crazy person. Unsure if I mumbled it to myself or blurted it out loud, I asked in desperation, “Does anyone else in here feel like they might die?”
When it became apparent that I was the only one suffocating from an internal heat wave, panic set in. I had to get out of there immediately. What made things worse was feeling like all eyes were on me, staring me down as my boobs dripped with sweat, armpits drenched, and eyeliner ran down my face.
Then, just like that, it stopped. The burning sensation that resonated from the bottom of my torso to the top of my head subsided. I could breathe again. The elevator arrived at my floor and the doors flung open. Afraid I might not make it out in time, I shoved my way out of the elevator. “Moooove!” I screamed, nearly knocking people over and tripping on a baby stroller before I finally stumbled out the doors.
An older lady approached me as I scurried down the hall and whispered, “Honey, I think you were having a hot-flasher.”
With all the incredulity in the world, I looked at her and stated, “OH, NO, I was not! It was something I ate for breakfast; thank you very much.”
She giggled and walked away.
A hot flash? Not possible, I thought to myself. I was only 45 years old!
I quickly found my girlfriend and we sat down for lunch; I immediately told her my elevator story. We laughed and ordered a big batch of greasy truffle fries, which we usually never would, except that she heard hot flashes burn calories. Considering that nosey old lady was probably right, I placed a second order.
The Myths of Menopause
The funny thing about menopause is that there are so many myths surrounding it. For one thing, I was not too young for hot flashes. In fact, some women experience them as early as 40 years old. Secondly, hot flashes do not burn calories. What they should do, however, is alert us to the possibility that we may be entering perimenopause, a completely normal transition in a woman’s life that we should not be afraid to talk about.
After all, talking about menopause is no longer the “taboo” topic it once was in our mother’s generation. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. The important thing is to know what’s happening to our bodies during this stage of life and how to best support ourselves while on this journey. Ultimately, we need to remove the shame, dispel the myths, and know the TRUTH about perimenopause—because knowledge is power!
So, Let’s Debunk a Few Myths!
Hot Flashes Burn Calories and Fat
FALSE. Oh, how we wish, right? But alas, hot flashes do not burn calories or fat. The truth of the matter is the average woman is likely to experience increased belly fat during perimenopause and gain 1.5 pounds per year as part of the normal aging process. A slower metabolism combined with the loss of muscle mass and hormonal changes means women in perimenopause should burn calories the old-fashioned way—through proper diet and exercise.
Women Don’t Enter Menopause Before Age 50
FALSE. According to the North American Menopause Society, the average age of menopause is 51. However, physical changes and symptoms leading up to menopause, the transition known as perimenopause, can begin as early as 40 years old and last up to 4-8 years before a woman’s final menstrual period. So if your “fabulous” 40s bring you a barrage of baffling symptoms, like mood swings, brain fog, and, yes, hot flashes, you could be on the road to menopause.
Smoking Makes Hot Flashes Worse
TRUE. Research indicates that women who give up smoking are less likely to experience severe hot flashes during menopause compared to those who keep smoking. Generally, smokers have a more challenging time during menopause. This makes sense because smoking is known to be harmful to the reproductive system. It can reduce hormone production and harm the ovaries, which is why people trying to conceive are strongly advised to quit smoking.
Nothing Can Be Done to Help Hot Flashes
FALSE. For one thing, not all women will experience hot flashes. Lucky them! But for those who do, there are a wealth of options at our disposal. From home remedies to natural alternatives to FDA-approved medications, women do not have to go through perimenopause with a grin-and-bear-it attitude. If you think you may be in the throes of perimenopause, don’t wait a minute longer to ask your doctor about which treatment is right for you.
Menopause Marks the End of a Fulfilling Life
FALSE. For generations, society has led us to believe that menopause signifies the end of a woman’s vitality and purpose. Well, my friends, nothing could be further from the truth. Despite the challenges that accompany this stage of life, menopause empowers women to approach the next chapter with newfound wisdom and resilience. As Helen Mirren once said, “Life doesn’t end with menopause; it’s the beginning of a new adventure.”
The Bottom Line
Dealing with hot flashes (and our new BFF, Perry) can feel like navigating uncharted, tropical territory. However, you can learn to manage the heat and make the most out of life with a few adjustments. Aside from talking to your doctor, embrace your inner yogi and try everything from meditation to acupuncture. Channel your inner foodie and come up with some sleep-friendly and nutritious bedtime snacks. And don’t forget to share a laugh with friends who understand your “hot-girl summer” moments!
Lastly, Ladies, remember every hot flash is just a reminder that you’re too cool for your thirties! With a positive attitude, a splash of imagination, and a battery-operated hand fan, you can ride the heat wave and enjoy a well-ventilated life.
Jennifer Hurvitz is a renowned relationship expert, dating coach, best-selling author, and award-winning podcast host of Doing Relationships Right. With a career born from personal experience, Jennifer’s journey from navigating divorce to empowering others in their relationships is inspirational. Now, as an empty-nester with her two boys off to college, Jennifer embraces this new phase of life with grace and enthusiasm. Her latest book, Midlife PRICELESS: A Dating Coach’s Guide to *Finally* Doing Relationships Right, offers invaluable wisdom for those navigating the complexities of dating after divorce. Forbes, Oprah Daily, Bustle, Women’s Health, and Scary Mommy have recognized Jennifer’s expertise, solidifying her status as a leading voice in relationships. You can find her as a local guest expert on The Charlotte Today Show.