“I’m going to be a grandma soon. I should really start losing some weight.”
“I’m going on a Hawaiian vacation. No better time to lose some weight.”
“Oh my gosh! I weigh more than my husband! It’s DEFINITELY time to lose some weight!”
Over the years, my motivation for losing weight had always been situational, something I got serious about in anticipation of an upcoming event, you know, a family wedding, my class reunion, an all-girls trip to the spa. Except for when I topped my husband on the scales, I never made eating right and exercise a part of my daily lifestyle.
Instead, when I looked in the mirror, I engaged in some good, old-fashioned denial, preferring to see the 30-year-old version of myself rather than the muffin-topped lady staring back at me. Turning a blind eye to my weight issues helped me stay upbeat and out of therapy until it became impossible to ignore. Remember those old V8 commercials where people slapped the side of their heads and said, “Wow, I could’ve had a V8?” Well, in a typically clumsy move, it took me tripping and smacking my head into a wall to get the message: “Wow, I need to lose some weight!”
As luck would have it, it happened on day four of a twenty-one-day adventure in Hawaii. I suffered a severe concussion that put me out of commission for the remainder of the trip. With plenty of time on my hands, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I weighed more than my husband. As much as I tried to deny my ever-increasing midsection along with my chubby backside, the scale said it all.
By the time I returned home, I finally got real with myself. Not only was I venturing into clothes just shy of a plus-size, but I couldn’t ignore the middle-aged fat lady in the mirror; or the fact that I no longer felt sexy or attractive and absolutely dreaded undressing in front of my husband, the fitness guru who now weighed less than his undeniably dumpy wife.
Go Easy on Yourself
Once I took the blinders off, I became my own worst enemy, more critical of myself than what was necessary or helpful. I was in desperate need of inspiration. Not to be better for others but to be better for myself. It’s hard to believe I was so secretive about being overweight when it was so painfully obvious. No matter how I tried to hide it, bigger clothes made me look BIG and smaller clothes made me look BIG, too!
I eventually realized that if I admitted to having a weight problem and failed at losing weight, I would also have to admit I was a failure! How could I move past the crazy? For starters, I had to get out of my own way. Being hard on myself was counterproductive and, frankly, not much fun. I also needed to create a realistic weight loss plan, something that not only included eating right and exercise, but a little bit of research and a lot of self-compassion.
Work Out a Plan
I may have looked like I could polish off the steak from that scene in the movie The Great Outdoors, but monitoring food intake was the easy part for me. What was more challenging was the elliptical sessions I had to get serious about, not just to lose weight, but it was recommended as a necessary part of my concussion recovery, and it worked! I was moving, taking care of my mind and body and grateful that the spark of determination had finally ignited.
But despite my initial enthusiasm, keeping up the momentum wasn’t always easy. Sometimes it was pure laziness, but most times, I became frustrated with not losing as quickly or as much as I had wanted. In my mind, if I took in less calories each day and burned more calories through daily exercise, I should be losing a consistent amount of weight, right? Well, when the scales didn’t always prove my theory correct, I felt like throwing in the towel.
In time, I learned that self-compassion was the only way to overcome this frustration. Being addicted to a scale to determine your self-worth is illogical and emotionally taxing. Nothing about losing weight feels logical, especially when fighting the fluctuating hormones and body shifts of perimenopause. It’s certainly no excuse, but I honestly didn’t realize how the aging process and the change of life made the battle of the bulge an even harder battle to be won.
So, I decided to be kinder to myself and accept that there’s no quick-fix formula or guarantee that I would accomplish all my weight loss goals each day. Between life’s daily struggles, my aching bones, and drenching hot flashes, I came to see that doing our best for the day, no matter how much or little our best may be, is an accomplishment in and of itself.
I also began studying how hormones really do affect weight loss. According to the experts, as women age, we experience hormonal drops that slow our metabolism. Unfortunately, this drop is even more significant around menopause, making it more challenging, but not impossible, for us middle-aged women to shed those unwanted pounds.
All told, my plan of attack took considerable time, energy, and brutal honesty about where I was and where I wanted to be. It started with a simple confession: “I am not at a healthy weight, and this is unacceptable to me.” At 50 years old, I made up my mind that this midlife transition wouldn’t have the last say on my health. I was! Was it always going to be easy? No! Was it worth working through it? Absolutely!
Embrace The Wake-Up Call
I wouldn’t recommend it, but clunking my head that day turned out to be a great thing after all. Thankfully most women don’t need a concussion to learn what it means to be menopausal and overweight. Ultimately, the wake-up call is not that we have to lose weight but that our weight loss journey doesn’t have to be riddled with feelings of doubt and self-loathing, but realistic goals and self-love.
Once upon a time, I could do a 24-hour fast and lose five pounds to look amazing in a skimpy dress. Being freed from false expectations is awesome! Weight loss is different now, and I can’t change that; however, I can change my approach. It all goes back to admitting my reality and not letting chaotic thinking interfere with my best efforts.
While I admit I still struggle with my scale addiction, it no longer consumes me or defines my self-worth. It’s not the number on the scale that makes me feel good. It’s how I feel and look in my clothes that gives me joy. I am not and will never be the same size or shape I was in college or even 20 years ago, but I am proud of the progress I’ve made to be at my best weight today.
At the end of the day, there’s great strength in having a lighthearted approach to the heavy topic of weight loss. Middle-aged women have a lot of material to keep them laughing—and crying! Whatever emotion you have is okay as long as it helps you cleanse, heal, and continue onward. And if all else fails, you can always look upward. There’s always strength there, too!
Jill McKellan loves the power of the mind when it mixes with creativity. This is key to her career as an independent ghostwriter and editor. Recognizing how a fit mind works best with a fit body inspires her to be her best. Jill’s love of life is built on what brings her great joy: her work, her family, and going to concerts.