If you’ve just shipped your youngest off to college or said good-bye to an only child who landed their dream job across the country, you’re likely feeling a confusing cocktail of emotions right now. After all, we want our kids to spread their wings yet we can’t help feeling worry, loneliness, and deep sadness when they fly the coop. As difficult as the empty nest can be, I am here to assure you that you will survive this stage of life and offer some tips and words of encouragement.
First, let me tell you how it all went down for me. I am an older mom. Let’s just start there. I was almost 35 when I had my first child placing me about 10 years behind the average at that time. So, when my children finally arrived, I was more than ready for motherhood. I loved the role of mommy and vividly recall gazing at my little miracles all day with utter awe and adoration.
I was that mom (you know the one) who eagerly volunteered at the school, attending every sporting event, award’s ceremony, parent meeting, and performance. I arrived early and sat in the front row whenever possible. My kids were kind enough not to roll their eyes.
And I was an emotional wreck at every transition along the way. I remember Kindergarten graduation when the teacher read that heart-wrenching Erma Bombeck poem about how children are like kites that we have to set free—sob fest. So you can only imagine how I held up during the playing of Pomp and Circumstance 13 years later.
By now, you are probably asking, “Is this blog supposed to make me feel better??” So I will cue the screeching tires and encourage you to stick with me because we are headed in a positive direction. I promise! If I, the older and overly attached mama can survive the transition, so can you.
At this point, I am years past launching my kiddos, so I can coolly and calmly share some survival tips that will help you prepare for (and, yes) even enjoy an exciting second act. Here are some to consider!
Pre-Launch
We don’t always have the opportunity to prepare for major life changes. Unfortunately, sometimes we are blind-sided by a sudden job loss or illness. But that is not the case with the empty nest. We know it is coming. So we have the luxury to prepare ourselves somewhat both emotionally and in a practical sense.
Prepare Your Child
While they are still living at home, ensure they know the basics—doing laundry, cleaning, making simple meals, managing their money, and most importantly, staying safe. Are there any conversations you haven’t had yet? Now is the time. You will give yourself the gift of some peace of mind.
Prepare Yourself
Although your kids needed you less in recent years, parenting was a primary role. It’s normal to feel lost when that changes. So grab your pen or keyboard and brainstorm a list of things you may want to do in this next chapter of your life. There are no rules—just let the ideas flow. The possibilities are endless!
Post-Launch
Practice a Positive Mindset
No doubt, you’ll feel emotional when walking past your child’s empty bedroom. But rather than let sadness engulf you, flip your inner dialogue. Instead of longing for the past, acknowledge that your role isn’t over—it’s evolving. Get excited for your child and the accomplishments that lie ahead. And remember, your child will pick up on your emotions, so do it for them, too!
Reconnect with Your Spouse
Think about who you were as a couple before you became mom and dad. Make an effort to have date nights or take day trips. Nothing elaborate is required. Just strolling through the park with an ice cream cone will do. The idea is to enjoy each other’s company and establish a new normal.
Connect with Friends (Old & New)
For so many years, our social connections were related to our kids’ activities—school, sports, play dates. Once that ends, we are bound to feel a void. Don’t wait for the phone to ring! Set up some lunch dates. Consider joining (or starting) a book club, a walking group, or regular game nights.
Discover Hobbies
This is a great time to dust off that old guitar or craft box hiding in the closet. You may have wanted to take a painting class, plant a garden, learn a new musical instrument, or try your hand at pottery. Taking up a hobby not only provides an outlet for self-expression, but also offers a relaxing escape from the routine of everyday life. Think about what gives you joy and take the plunge.
Take a Class
Education isn’t just for the twenty-something crowd. Nowadays, more and more middle-aged folks are returning to school and enjoying every minute. And it’s not just about getting a degree. Taking a class is a great way to stimulate your mind, connect with like-minded people, and expand your circle of friends. Three birds with one stone!
Revisit Your Career Goals
This may mean going back to work, advancing in your field, changing careers, or starting a business. You now have the time and the freedom that was lacking while raising kids. Let this newfound independence open up a world of possibilities for personal and professional growth, and be the fresh start you always dreamed of.
Volunteer
Few things make us feel better than serving others. Consider volunteering at a school, a food pantry, or a not-for-profit organization. There is a need in every community. Volunteering makes a positive impact on others, and it can bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose to your life as well. So, why not explore the various volunteer opportunities available and make a difference in your community today?
Become a Mentor
Whether you are currently working, between jobs, or retired, you may have a set of skills and a knowledge base that can greatly benefit someone just starting out. Use your network and explore the possibilities. Consider offering your expertise as a mentor or advisor to individuals or organizations looking to benefit from your keen insights and vast experience.
Focus on Health & Wellness
Moms often tend to put self-care on the back burner. Now is a great time to prioritize healthy habits. Strive for nutritious meals. Add some enjoyable movement into your daily routine—walk, swim, do yoga, join the gym, or crank up some tunes and dance in the living room. Oh, and a day at the spa never hurt, either!
Refresh Your Home
Updating our living spaces can be surprisingly uplifting. Maybe tackle that DIY project you’ve been meaning to do. Even small touches like rearranging the furniture, repainting some dingy walls, adding fresh flowers, or changing out throw pillows and rugs can make a world of difference.
Final Word
Above all, be kind to yourself. You can expect many mixed emotions at this time—sadness, worry, pride, and excitement. It’s perfectly normal and absolutely essential to feel your feelings. Embracing these suggestions isn’t about denial or distraction; rather, it’s about acceptance and rediscovery—a second opportunity for you to spread your wings and fly high, too!
Lisa Keeley is a freelance writer from Rochester, New York. She especially enjoys writing about women’s issues, personal growth, wellness, mental health, and relationships. After a long career in human services, Lisa is still passionate about helping others and sees writing as a powerful way to connect and inspire.